JHANDE MATARAM!
Poor Prime Minister Modi! He finds himself in the most
pitiable place today. How fortunes swing. When he entered the precincts of
India's Parliament after bowing, kissing the steps and all that he must have
thought he is in the most powerful position in the country. Now, people just
don't let him be. They don't let him wear that Rs. 10 lakh suit, Aisi Taisi
Democracy people call him juicer par excellence, his own people call his
Government Congress + cow, they lampoon him for his all his foreign visits.
Poor man's not made single foreign visit all of last week. But staying at home
gives such headaches.
He'd like to fancy himself as leading a strong Government
but he's been reduced to the same silence that Manmohan Singh instinctively
observed. When he deputes Mr Rajnath Singh to stand-in for him, Mr Singh cannot
manage to get his foot out of his mouth. Mr Modi would rather wish that it is
better that his Government's case is lost by default rather than letting
Rajnath Singh sink their boat!
As if all this was not enough his friends such as Adanis,
Ambanis, Mallyas, Ruias and sundry others refuse to repay Bank loans even if
that means Banks will sink and there'll be egg all over Mr Modi's face.
His agony does not end there. Now his foot soldiers – the
same army that must have helped them with the Babri demolition, Gujarat 2002
and 2014 elections – are demanding their pound of flesh. They don't understand
they must leave their barracks only when commanded by the High Command. Poor
foot soldiers are torn between their khaki-shorts-training and High Command's expediency.
Barely had the Brigadiers such as Sakshi Maharaj, Yogi Adityanath, Sadhvi
Niranjan Jyoti, Giriraj Kishor had been bottled that the foot soldiers have
demanded a taste of the sweet smell of power. The small problem with the foot
soldiers starting to believe that they own the country and lay down the law of
the land is that there is a big dispute in the offing. The right to own the
country, determine its policy and formulate laws was handed over to the Ambanis
long back.
Like good corporates who diversify their businesses – for
instance we have cigarette manufacturing companies diversifying into the
biscuit and hotel / hospitality business, so also these lawyers (in their spare
time, of which they seem to have lots) from defending hoodlums branched out to plying that trade
themselves. They have every right to do so. After all the mafia used to give
support to politicians. After a while they realised it would help if they
became politicians themselves. Just as the underworld initially financed Hindi
films made by other Producers with their ill-gotten wealth. Then they decided
to produce films themselves. That way they're only cutting out the middleman
which in the end benfits consumers.
But this army of lawyers, lumpens, flag-wavers are not only
'nationalists' who live and die for the country, they also talk and educate
with fisticuffs, stones and the like. Unfortunately some of them don't yet have
access to guns. e.g., they've taught the country in the last few days that a
few students shouting slogans in some corner of some University can shake the
foundations of the nation and it must be protected by vigilante armies. Hope
nobody charges them with divulging State secrets! They seem privy to inside
information that their masters have turned us into a Banana Republic. Therefore
their worry that slogans can destroy our nation is entirely well founded.
And they're all working so hard to turn us into a Banana
Republic.Kudos to them. Here's the complete syllabus:
i) first the party seems to have unanimously decided to be
stupid and look stupid too
ii) then they put the whole might of the State to chase and
jail slogan shouting students.
iii) to make their case foolproof and convincing they pass
around doctored video clips as evidence
iv) a whole army of Bhaktas of Modiland gets hysterical
about the doctored evidence
v) the most burning problem for them is slogans. Farmers'
suicide is of course a fashion. So, farmers who commit suicides are doing some
kind of ramp walk like Sunny Leone and Malaika Arora Khan! So says Mumbai BJP
MP, Gopal Shetty.
v) lumpens get congratulated and garlanded for their
hooliganism
vi) Police Commissioner Bassi of course has a bright future
ahead of him despite his retirement
vii) The flag-wavers, nationalists, new-found lovers of the
Motherland have a bunch of icons with a glorious track record. The Jaitleys and
Jethmalanis and their clients are part of Court folklore. They've defended all
manner of murderers, fraudsters, tax-evaders, havala racketeers. So, a little
bit of flag-waving is entirely in order for their army.
There cannot be stronger, more authentic Banana Republic!
Yet, the most heroic performance is that of 'party
spokespersons'. They sweat, fret, beat-around-the-bush, filibuster, spin-doctor.
In short everything except address the issue at hand. But poor 'nationalist'
spokespersons have been sweating profusely in air-conditioned studios. Hope
they maintain sufficient fluid intake post-TV interviews. The other thing that
might benefit them is hair replacement therapy for their stress-induced balding
heads.
But they are a really interesting lot. One wonders about the
kind of practice and preparation they undertake. Sportspersons and musicians' practice
involves repetitive rehearsals. So, what do party spokespersons do for
practice. Lie even off-camera? Do they lie even when they are alone? Do they
lie in their sleep? What kind of dreams do they get in their sleep? What
happens if a sudden a pang of conscience bothers them. Are they equipped to
emotionally deal with such a challenge. May we all wish them the best of health
and all our prayers be with party spokespersons!
Anand Mazgaonkar
